Photo by Lara Jameson (Pexels)


Doug Jacquier

Fallen out of love with international travel? Tired of the seemingly endless lines at check-in, security, and immigration? Fed up with inconsiderate fellow passengers blocking the aisles as they fill up the overhead lockers? Craving for the peace of not having to sit next to incurable chatterboxes and being crushed up against Michelin men and the flatulent? Had it with people who throw their seat back while you are eating your meal? Don’t want to spend hours getting to your destination?

Welcome to the new world of international travel with BearAir. Because you are a potential new customer and our service is unique, we’d like to explain to you how our travel system works.

Security Measures

After you book your flight, you will receive a package containing your personalised travel jumpsuit, which is the only acceptable clothing on our flights, other than your underwear.

You will also receive one standardised baggage box for your clothing, shoes, toiletries, electronic devices etc. No additional luggage is allowed, so please pack carefully.

On the day of your flight, you will be picked up by one of our driverless cars, which will automatically scan your passport and tickets so there’s no need to check in.

Our car will transport you and your luggage box to the airport. After checking in, your luggage box will be automatically loaded on to one of our air separate freight flights that will follow your passenger aircraft. Just think – no fear of shoe bombs, luggage bombs or hijacks. And no more brain injuries resulting from backpackers swaggering down the aisles.

At the airport

When you arrive at the airport, you will be directed to our departure lounge and assigned your personal travel pod.

Your pod will then be loaded onto the plane, via our side loading system. This will eliminate the need for passengers to board individually and stow their carry-on items, usually to the great annoyance of fellow passengers.

In the air

Unlike our shonky ‘Beam-me-up-Scotty’ rivals, we don’t de-materialise you, so you’ll avoid the risk of ending up in situations like that debacle at Heathrow, where an entire flight of passengers were re-materialised as chickens.

Once inside your pod, you will be immediately placed in a controlled torpor, a form of temporary human hibernation. And that’s it until you arrive and are revived.

No more sleepless flights. No more bored children making your journey a misery. No more fellow passengers stepping over you to go to the toilet. No need for additional legroom.

For BearAir, this means we don’t have to provide food and drinks, inflight entertainment, blankets, or toilets, which of course eliminates the need for cabin crew. Or aircrew for that matter. Our fully AI-trained flight and navigation systems will take care of that, meaning no more pilot error incidents.

All this means our planes are lighter and more energy efficient, which in turn allows us to travel at hypersonic speeds. How does Sydney to London in less than three hours sound? And of course you’ll sleep through it anyway. Travel just became cheaper than it’s ever been.

On arrival

Just prior to landing you will be revived from your state of hibernation and your personal pod will be delivered to the Arrivals area. There you can make your travel arrangements to your destination.

For first class passengers, we offer our Vube Service. This underground vacuum tube system will deliver you and your pod and your luggage to the lobby of your selected hotel in seconds.

So welcome to the world of hypersonic hibernation travel with BearAir – fast, painless and cheap. Who could ask for more?

Doug Jacquier writes from the Fleurieu Peninsula in South Australia. His work has been published in Australia, the US, the UK, Canada, New Zealand and India. He blogs at Six Crooked Highways.